Sorry for my three days of absence.
On Monday I lurked in coffee shops on Marylebone High Street for two hours awaiting my fate.
At 11.30 I got the call.
‘I’m sorry – but there was no hcg in your system. You can stop taking your medication.’
So there we go. The final ever attempt at project sibling is over.
I’m 40. I’ve given up over seven years of normality to try to have my own babies. I’ve had seven dreadful pregnancies. Two of my babies have died in my arms. One, most happily is quietly sleeping upstairs, and said ‘love you’ for the first time yesterday, which I desperately needed.
I have many thoughts which I will spew onto my blog in the coming days…. And we still have a plan for moving forward. But IVF for me is finished. I won’t subject my body to any more needles, meds, drips, pills. I wont push us further into debt.
Farewell IVF and, short of a natural miracle, farewell the prospect of a nine month pregnancy and a 7lb bundle plonked into my arms. For some reason that destiny was never to be mine.
I’m off to weep a little. Tis required.