The defiant little Miss

I am so incredibly tired. I haven’t had the energy to blog for a few days. It is all down to emotional exhaustion.

Last Wednesday we had a scan 26 weeks + 4 days, and expected (as told) that our little girl would have died in utero. We had spent two weeks grieving for her immanent passing.

At the scan, not only was she still alive, but she had grown to a viable, albeit IUGR teeny, estimated weight of 550 grams. Suddenly, it is all change again.

For those that have followed this IVF pregnancy, you will know that this was the third time that we had been alerted to her death, and the third time that she has defeated death.

Now that she is a viable weight, the fetal medicine specialist said that it would be worth taking her out as she would have a better chance of life out of the womb than in, given her reverse blood flow. Again, he said that he wouldn’t expect her to last more than 2 more weeks in the womb. Suddenly, we were faced with possible delivery that day… 

Our consultant however, said that we needed to weigh her chances with those of her brother, who at 26 weeks plus 4 days would also have an uncertain outcome.  We decided that we needed time and advice, so a meeting with the neo natal Consultant was arranged for us the next day. In the interim however, they started my corticosteroid injections to give the babies’ lungs and brains a boost in preparation for early delivery.

Our meeting with the neonatal specialist was really helpful. He explained that her chances of survival would be 50:50 whether she was taken out that day or two weeks later. However, our little boys chances would greatly improve if we could get as close to 28 weeks as possible. He even went as far as to say that if he couldnt get our little boy to term without a normal life outcome if born at 28 weeks, he would be really disappointed. Our Consultant has been steering us in this direction as well, and it has helped us make a decision.

If our little girl can keep fighting until Friday 17th February, then we will have both babies delivered by C section and give them both a chance. This is a terrifyng option, we could lose both babies and will find ourselves back in the neonatal unit, possibly for three months. This pregnancy is starting to feel like mental and moral torture, but we have to trust that we are making the right decision. The alternative would be to let her go, but we would still have no 100% guarantee that he would make it to term anyway.

I cant think of these babies as less than twins. I can’t contemplate letting one die so that the other may live. I have to give them both a chance if I can.

So now we are playing the waiting game, and just praying and hoping that she makes it to Friday. Let’s just hope that she can cheat death for a fourth time.